Suddenly it all makes a little more sense.. I try very hard to follow the OMS/Swank Diet 100% but then occasionally I slip. I go to a dinner party and have something that I shouldn’t be eating.. So enjoyable but THEN comes the guilt, I feel so weak, I feel like I don’t love myself, I feel like I am sabotaging my recovery.. I put myself through hell..
I have been on the diet for 8 years now, some really good times and some not so good.. Because I am on it and am pretty good most of the time, I expect to be better, to fully recover but now I understand that despite all the hard work, until ALL of the emotional stuff from my past is dealt with, control is all I am going to get. Full recovery is only possible when the powerful subconscious mind is freed up, conflicts and suppressed anger /grief need to be worked through. The conscious mind does not have the power to heal us..
Recently I have been having a lot of Bio Energy and Reiki, they are making me more emotional (poor Kieran) and bringing lots of stuff up, I am liable to burst into tears at any time BUT I think they are working, I could finally be breaking into repressed anger (about lots of things) and the grief of my mother’s death.
For me all this emotion is not helping my diet, I have always used food as a crutch when I am emotional.
So now I think it is time to do my best. To let the emotions flow, to be gentle with me and see what happens..
Dr Jelinek’s sense of people with MS is that they are strong-willed, fiercely independent and prefer not to accept help from anybody. He has seen a pattern too where this is often in reaction to having had difficult conflicting emotions in childhood, often resulting in suppressing anger about loved ones who have caused some injury or been unjust, and turning that anger inward instead.. The metaphor of the body turning on itself is pretty apt.
Do you have any stuff that needs to be dealt with?