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Daily living with MS, Family & Friends, Happiness, Mind Body Spirit, Multiple Sclerosis, Self Acceptance

Forgiveness, a necessary evil?


I don’t know if you realise how important it is to forgive. It is not an easy thing to do but I believe it is necessary. Letting go of anger and hurt, frees up the mind to focus on other things, like healing and acceptance…

A good number of years ago I thought that I had forgiven everyone when I went on a spiritual retreat where it was soon obvious that I still had work to do.

When I was very young I got involved with a man who was in a relationship with someone else.  I didn’t know about the other relationship and when I did it was too late, I had fallen in love.   He kept telling me that he loved me and they weren’t married so I thought it was ok.  The relationship lasted a long time but after I got sick and started working on myself, I realised that I had to get out, it was a very negative place to be so it was well over by the time of the retreat.  

I am not proud of having a dishonest relationship but for a long time I thought we had a future and that he loved me.   On the retreat, we had to do a regression, going through all the stages of our life and see what came up.  I got a big surprise when I realised that I was still sad about the relationship.  I had forgiven him but I hadn’t forgiven the little girl inside of me, the one who was so infatuated with him.  Morals and family values are very important to me so forgiving the young me was hard but essential if I was to continue my work on self-love and self-acceptance.

So why this post because I realise now, how important it is to look at all aspects of your life, the body doesn’t heal when the mind still has work to do and sometimes when things are tough, you can deal with them, not because it is easy but because your mind is your greatest ally, doing work on it is what makes you peaceful and happy…

Step one of the healing code asks the same fundamental question – Is your mind ready to be well?  Well I think this is the best place to start…

What do you think?

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About msinthecity

I am I suppose many things, a former world champion kickboxer, an image consultant, a planner but fundamentally a happy lady who has multiple sclerosis..

Discussion

7 thoughts on “Forgiveness, a necessary evil?

  1. Absolutely Nicola… if we don’t forgive, how can we be at peace with ourselves? Like you say your mind needs to be well in order for the body to heal. Not every illness can be healed (as you and I know quite well) but it does help physically if you can forgive and move on.

    Just like yourself I was in exactly the same kind of relationship. The man told me everything I wanted to hear, from getting married to having kids to always being there for me. He could lie like you and I can talk. When he opened his mouth, he was lying. Because I was just diagnosed I chose not to deal with the situation but eventually I got bitter after him never being there and after I realized he was just lying to me so he could have his weekly ‘exercise’. When I did let him go, a huge weight fell off my shoulders. In an instant I felt so much better simply because I had chosen to let go and to be the one being in power of myself again. It took a while to forgive him but now I have, and he is now just a tiny blip on my memory. He had his (selfish) reasons to do what he did, but it was not what I needed. Letting go and forgiving him was a gift to myself. No more regrets 🙂

    Posted by Willeke | July 4, 2012, 11:52 am
  2. Dear Nicola, I believe forgiveness is a necessary release of negativity and a means to move forward with a positive outlook. Otherwise you will always have something dragging you down. Forgiveness of self is most important to be at peace with yourself but only then can you truly forgive those around you. I think you have made a wonderful step into a wonderfully positive future for yourself. Well done.

    Posted by Anonymous | June 26, 2012, 6:01 pm
  3. I totally agree,since I was diagnosed in April of this year,I have changed my whole attitude to life,I’m sad that it took 46 years and a diagnosis to make me see what’s important and what’s not.I let a lot of people’s opinions and attitudes upset me but not anymore,if you smile the world smiles with you,so let’s all be what we can be .

    Posted by Anonymous | June 25, 2012, 7:28 pm
  4. Liked this article very much. I tend to forgive but not one particular person. Perhaps my mind is not set yet. She had been bullying me for over two years at my workplace and only this year that I had to report what was going on and she stopped. I cannot trust her. She did not stop out of her own free will but because she had to, otherwise the union was going to take the case to court. She made my life miserable – ignoring me, not letting me have time-off for urgent family matters, sending me offensive emails, speaking of me behind my back, referring to my illness as if I’m making it all up and the list goes on and on.

    Posted by Anonymous | June 24, 2012, 7:19 am
    • I am very sorry to hear of your bullying. It upsets me, people can be so inconsiderate but at one level it shows how miserable she is, that she needs to hurt others to feel good… Thanks for sharing with me and good look with your own forgiveness journey..

      Posted by msinthecity | June 25, 2012, 11:12 am

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