All my life I struggled with my weight. I have never been fat per say but always compared myself to others, my sisters and friends were so much smaller than me. I was always bigger or in my head ‘massive’ because of my hips and my height, I am nearly 6 foot. When I was 12, I remember going shopping with my Mum and getting clothes that were a womans size 8 (4 in states, I think) so in my eyes, I was definitely fat.
So I spent every week of my teenage years and twenties going on a diet, that started on Mon and probably lasted until Wed. What I weighed meant so much, dictated how the day or week was going to go. It was always a struggle, mentally I wanted to be perfect or what the media thinks is perfect. There is so much pressure out there to look a certain way and I bought into all of it.
Now I look back and wonder how much time I wasted, when you are so obsessed by something, life goes by and you don’t really notice. You don’t play a very active role. Friends have told me stories from when I was younger but I don’t remember. You go to a party and wonder about the food, you constantly think about what to wear to look thin. I even wondered why I couldn’t get my hips reduced, I thought that this was very logical, people could have breast implementation, why not hip reduction surgery? I thought if I was smaller, I would be happier.
Looking back now, I think that the weight thing wasnt really about weight, it was a diversion, life is hard when you are very young, when you are trying to discover the real you and like lots of woman, I chose food to be my crutch, rather than try to deal with life.
So what would I say to the young me now? Love yourself.
You are unique, Love yourself.
You are beautiful, Love yourself.
Spend time on yourself and you will get peace, love and acceptance.
You are so worth the investment.
So if you are having a fat day, ask yourself is that really the issue or are you trying to hide something? Did you notice that when things are going great and you are happy you don’t feel fat or eat so much, same when you fall in love. Weight is really just about maths, you can’t eat more calories than you consume and the 80:20 rule works (ie being good 80% of the time)
With the MS, I am not as active as I was, I have more curves than I had, more lumps and bumps but the difference is that I love me now, all of me, I am perfect the way I am 🙂
So if you are beating yourself up, slow down and listen to your heart, it is trying to tell you things. You deserve to listen….
BTW Have you ever noticed the trees, they are all different shapes and sizes, they are all unique and nobody ever says that a tree is Fat. We are unique too…